A Sea of Change...

One of the downsides to doing a majority of your interwebbing from your smart phone is inadvertently clicking on things without really meaning to. Which is how I got here, to the new Blogger layout. If this is what "they" call "streamlined," then I am hopelessly behind the times.

I'm pretty sure this is nothing new. Though, one would think that among the "positive" changes Blogger would make, fixing their spacing issues would be one of them. Not so much. And I refuse to believe that this falls into the category of "user error."

It is Sunday night and I'm sitting here. I don't care about the Super Bowl. I'm not a bandwagon fan. I don't like the Patriots. I don't like the Giants. I think I might have cheered for the Pats once, post 9/11. Because, let's face it. The majority of us felt like it was fitting.

Instead, I sat in my chair reading, Everything I Needed to Know About Being a Girl, I Learned from Judy Blume. The best I can say about it is, "meh." This is in part due to the fact that I may have read three Judy Blume books in my entire life and most of them weren't even covered in this anthology of essays by authors I'd never heard of. There's no way my mom would have handed me a copy of Forever. And, had I even been aware of it in 1992 when I was probably old enough to even somewhat understand the concept, I think I would have been too terrified of my parents to attempt to bring such "contraband" into their home.

I (thankfully) wrapped up my reading just in time to see the Giants win, muster up a half-hearted, "whoo-hoo" and move on to something else.

I think maybe some of this had to do with the amount of anxiety coursing through me right now. It is more intense than it has been in a long time and I know that a large part of it is just from the sheer amount of things happening around here in the next few weeks.

This includes an extended visit from my sister-in-law and mother-in-law. At the same time. Which coincides with Andrew's 12th birthday (and a bedroom makeover as a birthday gift). And that comes after this ridiculous notion that I could participate in a 5K (feel free to laugh). I am already overwhelmed, and if I sit down and think about it, I realize that I totally do this to myself. No matter what the situation. It turns into an act of me trying to control and manage the chaos before it even happens.

I believe this is called insanity.

There are other thoughts and feelings that have crept in during all of this. The inner voice that tells me things I know aren't true. The other thoughts force me into the realization that things are changing and there's no way for me to have control over them. In some ways, that notion hurts. A lot. In other ways, I know that change is good for us when we're trying to grow. That it is evolution, in effect. That maybe these changes will force me to give up things I've just held on to for so long, because I have a feeling they're begging for me to let go.

I guess when you pray for change, you get it.

So I'm choosing to ride the wave here. I'm choosing to sail through it and let the sea take me wherever it's going to take me. And, you know, if that ends up being a small deserted island with a strangely large amount of decent literature, chocolate ice cream and enough electricity for me to use a hair dryer and flat iron, that's cool with me too.