It's hard to learn things about yourself.
Especially if the lesson tends to occur more than once throughout the course of your life.
"Gini is an excellent student, she just talks too much."
Or.
"Mr. and Mrs. _____, Gini received two demerits today for talking out of turn. She's beginning to be a distraction in the classroom."
Or. There's that one time people threw quarters at my head because we were being too loud during a movie. And by "we," I actually mean this horrible blind date I got set up on when I was 17, with some guy who's rude laughter through the entire legendary, Oscar winning film known as Mr. Bean made people so desperate to get rid of us that they threw real money! Not pennies, people. Quarters.
True story.
I am a talker.
Ask me one question, and suddenly, you have my entire life story. Complete with nervous laughter, as my inner-self is cringing at the sound of my very own voice. Wishing they could just sink into the floor and melt away. Which I'm sure the person I'm yammering at is also wishing at that exact same moment.
And Lord knows Mr. BFG feels the same way. Even his kicks under the table and abrupt changes in subject won't deter me. No. I can talk to a brick wall. About anything. Or anyone. I know everything! Pay no attention to the small fact that I actually don't (especially when it comes to calculating numbers, because when I try, I tend to say really ridiculous things like, "oh yeah, I guess I'm doing twelve minute miles.")
I have no idea why people are friends with me.
Also a true story.
So yet again, I come back to this journey I'm on. Today, it seems like it will never end. That I will never be that little ball of perfect (I said perfect, I'm clearly already awesome) I keep hoping I'll morph into overnight.
Last night, while trudging joyously (ahem) through my week's worth of Bible study lessons (blush), I had another epiphany (Beth Moore will do that to you, she's like the Jillian Michaels of Christianity).
It's time for me to shut up.
Oh. Not here, of course. But, in general. It is time to choose my words more carefully. To sit back and reflect. Steep. Wait. Listen.
That last part is hard.
There have been too many times where I have spoken harshly. Sometimes completely on purpose. Other times it has come about completely by accident. Those words have come out of my mouth like little poisonous darts, hitting whoever happens to be nearby.
I see you nodding your head. Okay. I know. It's a learning process. You gotta give me a break here.
So I'm adding this to my list of resolutions. Right between vowing to dance more (totally on that one) and working on being forgiving (uh...um). Less conversation, more maturity. I will choose my words carefully. I will not speak in anger (and I won't plot revenge either). I will learn to wait and say things that have value, that mean something. I will speak as Owl spoke to Winnie the Pooh.
With wisdom.
Hopefully.
Wednesday, February 15, 2012
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6 comments:
Oh....again....long lost twins. I have bitten people with my words so many times!
This was a huge conviction for me a few years ago, and I did learn a LOT by listening....and unfortunately became complacent in that journey...and tend to speak first again. Sometimes with thought, sometimes without.
I'll pray for you on this if you'll do the same for me.
As a fellow talker, I wish you well. I vow each time I go out that I won't talk too much and yap to complete strangers who stare back at me as if I'm a deranged mental patient escapee. Good luck. Bless your heart, but it just isn't as easy as Owl makes it seem.
You come by it honestly. Your grandma use to say, "Make your words soft and sweet. You never know when you may have to eat them."
I didn't listen.
I am a situational talker ... sometimes I'm very quiet, but other times you can't shut me up. Many of my friends carry duct tape when we go out ... thus far, the threat of it has been enough to keep me under some semblance of control ...
But here's the important question ... did you buy extra popcorn with the quarters you collected?
No, seriously, if talking is part of who you are, and you are loved and enjoyed ... well, don't change the essence of who you are. Keep smiling :-)
I'm right there with ya' on this one and I'm right there with KLo too...
I work on making sure I think before I say anything hurtful. I also work on staying true to myself. And I have noticed that people who get all irked by those of us who have the gift of gab are kinda' boring, just sayin... Most people will love you for who you are and yet it's great to always be in pursuit of improvement.
I know exactly how you feel. That's the biggest thing I've had to work on the last few years. That and not overreacting. However, all bets are off when I've got a few drinks in me. ;)
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