Ok, that was embarrassing. But not as embarrassing as me nearly melting down this week just because I can't get people in a department that I don't control and that isn't under my management to just NOT FUCK THINGS UP.
Really, it's simple. It's genuinely like the guy from Office Space. All you have to do is take the specifications from the customers (member offices) and give them to the engineers (me and my peeps). Honestly, it's not that hard. I'm going to explain it to all five of you who read this blog, at which point you will be qualified to replace the numbnuts we have doing it currently. Please apply for their jobs. Though if you do, their boss reminds me of nothing so much as Lumberg with a crew cut.
So offices schedule meetings in various rooms of the Capitol and the House Office Buildings (abbreviated as, say Cannon HOB. On the Senate side, they spell that shit out, because no matter how much of an asshole, say, Senator Russell was, no one wants to work in the Russell SOB). There is a group -- we'll call them Don'tCall -- whose job it is to put in the reservation for a room, any catering reservations that are necessary, put in a reservation for a projector and then -- last but not least -- put in a ticket in our tracking software that notifies my group that:
1) an office you support is sponsoring an event -- usually an outside group
2) they want to put on a PowerPoint or some other type of presentation
3) include pertinent information -- do they need internet, what's the name and contact info for the outside group, etc.
That's it. That's the big part of their job.
And yet...it gets fucked up all the time. So let's do a Friday Five that won't mean anything to you but that will mean a great deal to me as we count down the Top Five Ways that Don'tCall Fucks up these requests.
5) They don't get the name of the person in the office who is requesting the event. I know that seems sorta basic, like one of the first things that you would do, but apparently, it sometimes falls by the wayside. Me, I'm a friendly chap and I like to know who I am speaking with so that I can PUT THEIR NAME IN THE VERY FIRST FIELD OF THE TICKET THAT I AM SUPPOSED TO ENTER. If I was entering these tickets, that is.
4) They don't get the name/contact information of the outside group. Now, this isn't entirely their fault -- many offices use interns, who would have to be dropped on their heads repeatedly to achieve a functional level of mental retardation -- to call in these requests. But instead of trying to get someone in the office with more information, my colleagues in Don'tCall just bypass this required field. Why does this matter? Well, it matters a great deal, as you're about to see in the next points.
3) They don't get correct information on the type of presentation, equipment or other requirements. As a baseball player, being successful at the plate three out of ten times is the standard for good to great -- a batting average of .300 is a pretty good year; a batting average of .330 and you're probably in the race for a batting title; a batting average of four out of ten -- .400 -- and you're immortal.
However, in my field, getting the details right three out of ten times generally means that I'm going to get my ass chewed out -- either by an office or by the group that they are sponsoring. So when you don't get that contact information for the outside group, I can't "check in" with them and find out what else you missed -- you know, like:
- Why yes, we do want internet at our presentation!
- Well, we plan on showing a video during the meeting -- you have the audio equipment for that, correct?
- Oh, we're going to be live-streaming our event -- that's not a problem, is it?
- We have a panel of five speakers -- you'll have the mult box for our cameras so that we don't have to run five individual sound mikes, right?
Yes, these and other "small" requirements are constantly "overlooked" by the people on intake -- leaving my gang holding the bag as the chief lobbyist for the Society for the Promotion of Homo-Necro-Beastiality takes a hefty serving of my rear end because they can't show the clip from "Willard" that is the integral part of their presentation.
2) They put these requests in at the last minute. Only one thing is more infuriating than getting a request at the last minute -- more on that in our top spot on this week's countdown. But getting a request at 5:30 PM for 7:15 the next morning is pretty infuriating. You see, we don't make the person assigned to that office do an event prior to their report time -- so if you work 9 -6, you don't have to cover that event -- that's why we have folks who work 7 - 4.
You know what, though? It's helpful if we can TELL the 7 - 4 folks IN ADVANCE that they have something at 7:15 in the morning -- that way, they can try to show up early, make sure that they don't get caught in traffic, hit the Metro prior to all of the escalators breaking at the same time -- and make that event. Sending us the request AFTER that person has left for the day isn't really the ideal way for that to happen.
So you know where I said that late notice isn't the worst thing that can happen? Here's what is.
1) No notice whatsoever. You know why this is worse? Because you get an all-hands-on-deck e-mail sent to all of my staffing group from our call center that an office you support has an event starting RIGHT NOW and they want to know why the fuck you aren't there helping them. Not only does it make you look like an enormous jackass to your colleagues, it also doesn't help you maintain good relationships with your offices, who now think that you're incompetent, lazy, ignorant or don't give a fuck about their needs. That's going to help you as you try to support them in the future and make sure that they don't tell your bosses that you're a lousy fuck.
So yeah. I try not to talk too much about work on this here blog -- partially because I don't know how interesting my work/problems are, partially because I don't want to get fired -- but after those pusillanimous pussyfooters fucked up most of my week, it's caused me to be a little bit of a
nattering nabob of negativism about the whole situation (thanks to Spiro Agnew's speechwriters, Pat Buchanan and William Safire for the alliterative ending).
Now if you will excuse me, I have to work on cleaning the house for the Future Mrs. Bob's Mary Kay Coming Out party on Sunday. Toodles!
0 comments:
Post a Comment