Tuesday Ten!

I feel like I should make a perpetual To Do List. It would have things I need to do every day, like brush my teeth and play Angry Birds. Then, I would add things I need to do once and get it over with, like go to the OB and have her check out my hoo-ha or have my mustache ripped off by hot wax. You know, stuff like that. It would probably work a lot better than the Post-Its stuck all over random areas of my work space with things like passwords and dates and dollar signs.

The weeks are going by so quickly, I can hardly keep up. I just realized that we only have a week and a half of school left and then I'll be sending my baby off for the summer. You'd think I'd be used to it by now. Instead, I sob uncontrollably on my way out of the airport, leaving garbled voice mails for my best friend and comforting myself with ice cream. 

Here's your Tuesday Ten! 

1. You know you're a vetted mom of boys when you can make an important phone call and not even flinch when your sons come running into the bedroom with their underwear around their ankles, waving their penises (penii?) at you. 

2. I think I may have said this last week, but it needs to be reiterated. Buy clothing the correct size, ladies. Stop stuffing yourselves into Ghostbusters t-shirts that are obviously too small. And for the love of God buy a freaking bra that fits. 

3. One might think that you could be easily bored flinging brightly colored angry birds at little green pigs. One would be wrong. 

4. If I had a genie, I would wish for three things. A lifetime supply of frozen yogurt in my favorite flavors (with toppings), Chick-fil-A for life, and coffee every time I snapped my fingers. Or, money. And then I could just buy all of that crap and the genie could grant me two super lame wishes like world peace or something...

5. When I have a bad day, I comfort myself by remembering that I'm not nearly as awful as you are. 

6. Hey there pair of lesbians making out on the lawn of this free family event. Could you maybe save the groping for dark alleys and uncomfortable holiday dinners? 

7. I'm starting to have phone envy. I love my Blackberry and will treasure it always with it's hot pink cover and happy little dink every time I get a text. But, last night I stole my friend B's EVO to play Angry Birds (I know!) during Book Club and I think I turned four shades of green. 

8. I have the overwhelming urge to go scrub my baseboards. Do they make a medication for that?

9. Hi. Stop emailing me spam, forwards and viruses. Thanks. 

10. I've started referring to myself as G. I think I kinda like it. It's almost gangster, but not really. It makes me sound a whole lot cooler than I actually am. I'm gonna go with it.