Hand Over the Uterus and Nobody Gets Hurt...

Did you hear? Republicans hate women.

It's true.

If you have a uterus, Republicans hate you.

And, they want to control that uterus too. Because, Rachel Maddow said so.

They want to force you to have babies you don't want. They want to take away your birth control. Or worse. Make you pay for it yourself! They want to force you to not have unprotected sex! Republicans are obsessed with gay sex. They want to take that away from you too. Missionary style only! Forget the fun stuff. Republicans want to be in your bedroom making sure that you never, ever enjoy sex ever again.

Stop the madness, people.  

Am I the only person that sees the pure ridiculousness in all of this? I'd laugh if it wasn't so freaking terrifying. 

I feel like, as a woman, with a well-used and perfectly healthy uterus, I can speak with some authority (and sanity) here.

Republicans don't hate women. We don't want to control anything. We don't want to take anything away from you. What we do want, is for you to pay for it on your own and stop expecting the American Taxpayer to fund it for you. It's that simple.

On Wednesday, I attended a meeting for the Republican Women's Club. It was a luncheon and because I'm not really one of those "ladies who lunch," I had a difficult time trying to decide if I should go casual in pearls and heels or if I needed to dust off my old Versace cocktail dress. As it turned out, my cardigan and cropped pants with sandals were just fine.

I guess not all Republicans are super wealthy capitalists either.

During the meeting, we got to listen to a presentation from Bill Orrin, part of True the Vote, a non-partisan organization started in Houston, Texas in 2009 aimed at combating voter fraud. What they discovered just in Harris County alone made my jaw hit the floor. Case after case after case of people's right to vote being stripped from them by groups like Acorn (now under new management!). Signatures written by the voter registrars themselves. People being able to vote who aren't even U.S. citizens. Election clerks voting for the disabled. Stories that would make your skin crawl. 

That.

THAT is what the debate should be about. People's God-given right to vote being taken away from them. The economy. The price of gas. The fact that we still have two wars waging on another continent with the possibility of more in our near future. Unemployment across the board in the private sector while government jobs continue to grow. People having to choose between buying food and paying their house payment.

But we're discussing sex. Change the debate, because the facts on the above are against you and you know you can't win. Which is more disgusting? Not wanting to fund another person's choices or being used as a tool during election season?

"Stay away from my body", you say.

Let me set the record straight. I don't care. Conservatives? We don't give a rip. 

Until you sit before Congress and beg them to pay for your birth control. If you want to celebrate "choice," you pay for it. Not me. Not my parents. Not my kids. You. Visit Planned Parenthood. Go to Target or Wal*Mart and get your nine dollar monthly pills. Abstain from sex. I don't care as long as I'm not funding it. 

Ladies. Wake up. Being empowered isn't just about sex. It's about knowing what your rights are. What the real debate is. Who the real enemy is. It ain't the GOP. Because, once you hand over control to the US Government, you don't get it back.

Maybe it's cliche, but here it is anyway... 

"A government big enough to give you everything you need, is a government big enough to take away everything that you have...."

Tuesday Ten!

So, I have a blog.

It's been sad and neglected, mostly because I was pretty sure you people didn't want me to regale all of you with tales of me sitting on the couch watching Mad Men. I mean. I can. If you're really that interested, but I was fairly certain you didn't want to hear about that. 

Would you like to hear about the night I ate bread, bread and bread for dinner, washed it all down with a glass of wine and then spent the entire day after wishing I could die? No?

Well. What about our trip to Chuck E. Cheese and how I can't escape that place, even though I promised that I'd never, ever, never go there, yet am such a caring friend that I go anyway and suffer through the screaming and strobe lights and scary rat costume just so my children can have a super fun experience (and maybe steal tokens from the boys so I can play ski ball)... 

(I have a strong urge to quote Friends and talk about "the night of five times")

So. Clearly I have been up to absolutely nothing interesting at all. Unless you count Sunday, when MBFG and I were walking over to the boys' classroom to pick them up after church in the pouring rain and he started singing, "it rained and poured for forty long day-sies, day-sies, nearly drove those animals crazy-ies crazy-ies!" That was pretty funny.

Mmm-hmm....

(I may or may not have joined in)

Anyway. It's Tuesday. Woot!  

1. I was wide awake until 4:00 this morning. Activities included, Angry Birds, Words With Friends, being Tweeted by actual friends, Tangrams, re-runs of Friends, several trips to the bathroom thanks to my ginormous water consumption, and my newest obsession, Draw Something. No wonder I never get anything done.

2. I'm pretty sure raw cashews are my new favorite snack. 

3. I've decided that I'm going to just give in and let people think our three youngest boys are triplets. Because, I am so tired of saying "no, they're twins and he's just a year older." And that leads to more questions that I don't want to answer, along with super fun statements like, "you know how that happens right" and "gonna try for that girl now?" What? Sex causes people? Oh my God, I had NO idea! 

4. Kinda wishing I would have just said "okay" when my mom told me I could go to DC with her this week. She probably wasn't serious, but that's fine. I could wander the Nation's Capital on my own. Join up with some protesters in front of the White House. It would have been fun.

5. I don't care what anybody says, I love Big Rich Texas and all of it's fake drama. I just want to go to Woodhaven Country Club for one day. And then, I'll stop in at Abby Lee's Dance Studio. Maybe pop into Real Housewives of Atlanta and thank them all for making me feel better about my life. 

6. The Summer 2012 Vera Bradly collection comes to stores near you March 22nd. Plenty of time to stock up for my Mother's Day gift (hint, hint)...

7. This playroom is about to get blown up. I may never come out alive, but by God before I kick the bucket this room will be clean and organized and free of stuff leftover from my 12 year old's room makeover (almost a full month ago). 

8. We saw The Lorax yesterday. I'm not sure why the yokels behind us felt the need to stand up and applaud. Maybe they didn't see the irony in buying paper tickets to a movie all about saving the trees, while sipping on sodas in paper cups and munching on popcorn in plastic buckets, and then going out and buying Lorax toys at a fast food chain made out of Lord only knows what while claiming that we're killing ourselves and our planet. 

9. Submitting things you've found on Pinterest to Post Secret? That's lame. Because, the whole point of Post Secret is to confess, encourage and inspire. And I don't really see how drawing a photo on a postcard and putting something ridiculous on it is a confession to anything other than the fact that maybe originality isn't your strong suit. 

10. In case you needed an update, I procrastinated on the polka dot shoes for too long and they no longer have my size. I settled for plain, black dress sandals for a third of the price, knowing that I'd actually get more use out of them and could spend the remainder on things like groceries. Being sensible stinks.

Tuesday Ten!

PMS wears me out.

I'm not lying. I go from being energetic and ready to tackle just about anything life throws at me to completely inept, unable to function and entirely awful to be around. I am cranky and tired and the worst part is that I always end up eating like a mama Grizzly bear storing up for winter hibernation.

MBFG has figured out that it starts with me ordering Chinese food Sandra Bullock style in Two Weeks Notice and wolfing it down like I've been in Normal Food Prison for the last twelve years. Sure, I know it's horrible for me and that more than likely, I'll die a peaceful death face down in a plate of pork fried rice. But, you need something to sooth the cramping and boob swelling, y'all!

Thanks a ton Eve. 

Moving on. It's Tuesday! Hip-hip-hooray! 

1. I spent a large portion of the last five days trying to avoid saying anything about this particular subject, but I think I'm just gonna put it out there anyway. Listening to a five second radio bit and forming an opinion based on that is the equivalent of reading the Table of Contents of Harry Potter and claiming it's evil. I've listened to that "woman hater" Rush Limbaugh for over half my life and I totally "got" it. And, while I may not entirely agree with the Catholic Church and their stance on birth control, I do completely believe that it shouldn't be up to the US Government to dictate what a group should or shouldn't do or should or shouldn't provide. And if you think for a second that your rights won't be violated after you open that door, you are sadly, sadly mistaken.

In short: Pay for your own birth control, find another school, or you know...head over to one of the three Planned Parenthood clinics that are within walking distance of your dorm, Miss Fluke. It ain't hard.


2. Andrew has struggled with math for most of the year. It's been frustrating for him because he needs help and I am completely unable to provide it (folks, I can barely balance the checkbook). But, MBFG has been working with him almost every night and over this most recent six-week period, he brought his grade up from an 81 to a 91! I am super proud of him. 


3. Our playroom is still a mess and it's making me bonkers. I'm trying to hold out until Spring Break next week just so I can focus on it without having to stop in the middle and go drop off/pick up someone.


4. I just want everyone to know that I have still managed to refrain from selling my soul in order to purchase that ($100 on sale) pair of pink t-strap heels with black polka dots and a bow on the toe. Even while in the throes of PMS!


5. Every once in a while, you just need to take a day off.


6. I'm just gonna say it. Asians are awful drivers. If your car is at an angle and nowhere near the white lines in the parking lot? You're doing it wrong!


7. I went to the Kate Spade outlet on Saturday. First, I want to say that if you're over the age of 25, wearing a bow directly on top of your head makes you look ridiculous. For real. Second, I'm actually not excited over the fact that the bag I'm currently holding that goes with absolutely nothing I currently own is on sale for $129. Sorry. 


8. Hypocrisy: The act of doing the exact thing that you hate other people doing. This also falls into the category of irony. 


9. Remember those Thin Mints from last week? Yeah. They never stood a chance during PMS Week. Sorry, mom. 


10. Wondering if selling off the vast majority of my wardrobe would get me back into the gym. Because, I haven't lost anything in forever and it's making me crazy. Oh sure, I know you're scrolling back up to make sure you really did read about my Chinese Food/Thin Mints induced coma and thinking that it might have something to do with my lack of progress. And to that I say...phhhttttt! I think it's time to try something new. Sigh.


Happy Tuesday, friends! 

Green, Blue and Individuality...

Not gonna lie.

There aren't exactly a lot of perks to having twins. At least, not on the front side. In fact, the benefits are quite small. Absolutely zero sleep. Having to buy two of everything and no longer receiving that coveted discount that everyone before you seems to have gotten, but because you were late to the Oh My God I'm Having Two Babies Party it's now all dried up and you're totally out of luck.

Twin skin.

That one is my favorite.

Before Reese and Riley were born, I was given tons of advice. The majority of it was extremely unhelpful and came from people who seemed to think that their dealings with teaching siblings somehow gave them expertise in the field of multiple births. But, like with any other pregnancy, you nod your head and smile. And then be totally snarky about them behind their backs.

I was completely overwhelmed by the situation until one day, MBFG's aunt called. And she probably gave me some of the most valuable advice I've ever received to this day.

"Your children are individuals even though they might look exactly alike. Please treat them that way."

Wow.

It hasn't been easy. I still fight the urge to dress them alike, to buy them the same exact toy or purchase two pairs of shoes...one in green, one in blue, in an effort to continue with our color coded system. Because, Reese has always had green and Riley has always had blue.

(I keep wanting to say, "and never the twain shall meet")

For a long time, it was just so we could tell them apart as infants. And then it progressed into doing it so others could tell them apart.

This weekend, I did some shopping. I bought part of the normal spring and summer stash of clothing, which included polos for church at the Gap Kids outlet. I bought a white and green stripe. I bought a blue and gray stripe. I came home, excited to show them all of their new things and I wasn't disappointed. Until I pulled out those two polos and Reese curled up his nose in disgust saying, "I don't WANT that green shirt."

What?

And then again this morning. I pulled out an orange shirt. I pulled out a blue shirt. I laid them out on the bed, each with a pair of jeans. I'll let you guess what happened. Let's just say that it broke my little mommy heart in two to come to the realization that they are breaking out of MY mold and that I have to let them do it.

It is really, really hard to recognize your children as individuals. For so long Reese and Riley have been dependent on us. They have asked me for help with their clothes and shoes and have never once told me that they don't like it. And I've never had to worry about it with the other boys because they've always just been their own little people.

But this? This is just really hard. Because it means those two little guys are no longer the sweet babies who needed me so much. They aren't one unit that I always just naturally lumped together. They like different things. They want different things. And the more I push them on it, the more they push back.

So, goodbye blue and green. You trusty little friends that we relied on so much.

Hello to learning who these boys are! It should be quite the adventure. 

Thirty-One Tote Giveaway Winner!

A BIG thank you to all who entered the Thirty-One Thermal Tote giveaway last week! I loved everything you guys picked out! There's no way I could even decide on one thing, but it made me feel all Springy looking at all of it!

Anyway. Down to business...

We have a winner!

Sandy, from Pardon My Dust...come ooooooon doooooown!

(I almost wish I had a sequined rainbow jacket and a sweet mic for that)

Congratulations friend! 

Another Thirty-One Bag Giveaway!

In my rush to get through the upcoming and dreaded summer months, I tend to skip over Spring. To be fair, there's really not much to Spring in Texas. Maybe a few thunderstorms, a gorgeous (and not so humid) 75 degree day with a slight breeze. The smell of a husband who's mowed the lawn for the first time that year, which has left lovely green stains on the tips of his shoes, which he insists on wearing inside even after you tell him not to. And the faint smells of cleansers after you've scrubbed the house top to bottom with the windows wide open because you just can't stand it anymore!

Wait. Where was I going?

Oh yes. Spring.

The other thing I love about Spring? The way companies roll out their new product lines, filled with all kinds of cute and useful goodies that make you want to spend thousands of dollars on things like bags and pink t-strap heels with black polka dots and a little bow...

Today, I have a little sneak peek and a super cute goody to give away to one lucky BFG reader!

Behold! 

The new Thirty-One Cinch It Up Thermal Tote!

You guys, this thing is HUGE! I mean, like, fat girl lunch at the office huge. You can fit eight cupcakes in this thing (as long as you aren't worried about the frostings touching and possibly mixing like some people, ahem). Heck, you can even throw in a full on roasted ham into this baby!

The Cinch It Up Thermal (a $20 value) is just as super fab as the old thermal tote, but awesomer. It features long straps, allowing you to carry it over your shoulder (which, if you're anything like me, is totally useful because with four kids, you need free hands so you can keep your five year old from doing things, like hugging creepers at the grocery store). It's more roomy, it's great for snacks (or hams), lunch or even keeping that gallon of milk cold because you accidentally stopped at the store before getting your weekly pedicure.

My lovely friend, and Thirty-One consultant Kelly, is giving one of these bad boys away. And, just like last time, you get to pick your own print. What, what?!

The Cinch It Up Thermal comes in the following flavors...

Cute, right?

So, the rules.

Go to Kelly's personal site, check out the catalog and tell me what your favorite product is!

Then, hop on over to Facebook and join Kelly's group! If you're already a member, let me know!

Like the BFG Fan page (where I have been forced to switch to the stupid Timeline format)! And obviously, if you're already a member, let me know that too!

You have until midnight on Sunday to enter. I'll announce a winner at 12:00pm CST on Monday! Good luck peeps!  

*From Kelly... 
The Spring 2012 catalog is full of cute and vibrant patterns for all. Choose from trendy and affordable purses, totes and accessories, plus there are items for men! When you're ready, contact Kelly Heslip, Independent Thirty-One Consultant to help you find exactly what you are looking for! Visit her website to view the catalogwww.mythirtyone.com/kheslip or contact her to receive one in person kasaggie@wans.net. Place an order or host a party in March, and receive a FREE gift! You can also request to join her Facebook group to learn of specials each month and for fabulous contests and giveaways!https://www.facebook.com/groups/241342769210761/

*I was not compensated in any way, shape or form for this giveaway

Tuesday Ten!

I've begun to accept the fact that we just aren't going to have a winter this year.

Every year, I hold out hope until February. But now that March is upon us and a week of upper 70's lies ahead of us, I've decided to just throw in the towel and accept my fate. Summer is coming.

Boo.

My house is still in shambles from our weekend project, so I'm doing everything in my power to avoid having to deal with it. The boys are enjoying this tiny break from Scary OCD Mommy and have been taking pure advantage of my apathy by piling themselves and their precious belongings into a large FedEx box, pretending that it's their home. What they don't know is that if they continue to eat the way they do, we will have no other choice but to make that box our permanent residence. 

Anyway.

It's Tuesday! Yay. Hurray. Whoo-hoo.

1. I feel like we should all be put through a yearly test that grades us on our driving skills. Because, really, I don't think our ability to parallel park should be the deciding factor. Maybe we could focus on tasks like learning how a four-way stop works. Perhaps turn signal time trials or how to yield the right of way. Or, maybe repetitive lessons on how to merge onto the freeway. 

2. I'm annoyed by my inability to consistently make decent coffee. I tend to leave this task up to Mr. BFG, but when he slacks off I have two choices. Make it myself (boo) or drive fifteen minutes across town to the one Starbucks with a drive-thru. Which really irritates me, because we have like, twelve Starbucks throughout the greater "metropolitan" area and only one (ONE!) has a drive-thru.

3. I bought a bunch of Girl Scout cookies for my mom and little brother. I had to hide them in my closet last week so I wouldn't eat them. But after I passed them off to her this weekend, I found one box of Thin Mints lying sadly on the floor. Now that sales are over, I feel like I should hoard it. Or, sell it on eBay or something. 

4. I am having a horrible week, but my friend just gave birth to a gorgeous and healthy baby boy and that sure makes things a lot better. 

5. This cup of coffee still sucks. 

6. Oh. You're gay? Yeah. Don't care. I literally, seriously have no opinion on your sexual orientation or whether or not you choose to get off a plane after a long deployment and kiss your boyfriend. And people? If you are THAT bothered by it, you need a hobby. Can we please, for the love of God, move on and just stop talking about it all the effing time? 

7. Also. Ladies? Some things need to just be left up to the men and you trying to get all Gloria Allred over it is super annoying. Put on your big girl panties and get over it. 

8. This sucky coffee is making me cranky. Except now, I ate a piece of string cheese because I was starving and now I want to barf. Maybe I can go rinse my mouth out with Jack Daniel's.
9. I'm ready for baseball season. Kinda wish it would hurry the hell up, too. I have some Rangers gear to bust out. 

10. Tomorrow, I'll be doing another Thirty-One bag giveaway, so be sure to pop in and see what it is. It's really cute and super duper handy!